As we head towards the most important presidential election in the history of America, and in the wake of my $12 haircut and inadequate healthcare coverage, I wish to formally announce my candidacy for President of The United States.

I'm sure my opponents, with their deep pockets and high-paid consultants, will bring up things like my lack of experience, or my so-called "hostility" to call it as I see it, or the time I broke my rocking chair as I tumbled through my apartment door after 7 too many shots of Jägermeister and 17 too many pints of Bass Ale. My opponents will more likely direct their millions at their far richer and far more recognized counterparts and that, too, is ok.

As a non-gender-neutral American of unspecified race and creed, I'm prepared to be attacked and/or ignored and I already know whom I'm voting for.

Zip, you're my man. Do you want me to make banners and buttons? What's your slogan? Something about Booberry?

"Zippy for President 2008
Me Beholden To Your Interests"

Boo Berry's a probable running mate.

Does Count Chocula havve place in your cabinet?

We don't get to write "fuck off" on the research I do, so I voted for that, just for the sheer fun of it!

Where's the beef?

This is an election Damon. We're not getting our tyres changed at Les Schwab.

Zippy would get my vote too.
I would have thought you'd have either George or Bungle, or possibly Geoffrey as running mate though Zip. Rainbow Coalition US stylee.

(I don't get half the US based jokes so there's one for Brits of a certain age)

Who voted for Rudy Guiliani? Asshole (rudy and whoever would vote for him). Some things are just plain not funny!

It was me.

Oops, sorry. (It doesn't count, does it?).

"I believed then and I believe now that Saddam Hussein, who supported global terrorism, slaughtered thousands and thousands of his own people, permitted horrific acts of atrocities against women, and used weapons of mass destruction. He was himself a weapon of mass destruction.

But the reasons for removing Saddam Hussein were based on issues even broader than just the presence of weapons of mass destruction. To liberate people, to give them a chance for accountable, decent government and to rid the world of a pillar of support for global terrorism is nothing to be defensive about. It's something for which all those involved, from President Bush to the brave men of our armed forces should be proud.

They did something wonderful!"

Rudy Giuliani
30 August 2004

As a matter of interest why isn't John Edwards listed? Has he dropped out of the real thing?

He is still in, but is struggling financially...

Jesus: Zippy is still showing a strong lead.

I'm going to have to get in contact with the Sean Hannity show, (and spill the beans ).

Poor old Zip will then get creamed by Sean.

(If he's brave enough to go on the programme).

Tell him that Tuesdays and Thursdays work best for me.

Zippy would make Sean cry like the little bitch he is.

I went to school with a couple of those Hannity types. Nasty, weak little mommy boys.

A whisk or a beater is best for creaming things. All Hannity has is hot air.

He certainly is a jerk (Hannity) - but I'm going to suggest he says something like: ''Zippy, we looked at your reccord on an internet forum for fans of the British singer/songwriter Billy bragg . We looked and looked, but couldn't find no beef.''

Too bad about your boy, damon.

You probably think I was being serious.

Yes, dear friends it was me...I picked Hillary *performs a rather impressive duck and weave maneuver*, please no hate mail.

shit.
zippy is running away with it, but will he win california?

enjoy voting today my super tuesday friends!

I voted Barack because I don't like political dynasties be it Clinton or Bush or in GB, Churchill/Benn or Bhutto in Pakistan.

Passing down priviledge means my children have less chance of sucesss in life and sadly in both GB and the US we are not close enough to genuine meritocracy or equality of opportunity.

Having said that I could live with Hilary if she wins, I'd have both as a dream team.

What's wrong with the fact Hilary Benn followed his father into politics? Its hardly passing down a political dynasty is it?

You even manage to talk twaddle when you're not tooting your new labour horn!

Coming from a working class background and having lived on a council estate for 27 years, through luck and some hard work I have managed to move to a nicer area and I'm pleased. Now I worry about my two children and their future and posh families "bed blocking" mean that children like mine have less oportunity to make their place in the world.

If you had a wealthy parent then it gives you advantages and look at private education it gives those children advantages over others (I went to comprehensive school and now my boys do) Why? I believe in Social Justice. I have been offered a free private health check up in work and turned it down, why? because I believe in social justice.

Keeping the best jobs or schools for themselves is the middle class way of keeping working class people as mere "clients"

I'd vote for Hilary Benn if I was a voter in his constituency after all I'm a Labour Party member but I'm happier with John Prescott or Alan Johnson types because their rise gives me hope for my children.

If you're happy with someone as useless and ineffectual as John Prescott Mick H, there really is no hope for the Labour Party.

You seem to think that just because you come from a working class background that no one else on here did and have a surprising chip on your shoulder about it.
My parents had fuck all money, I'm one of 8 kids and went to a secondary modern same as my peers. I went to University through hard graft not social priveledge.
I don't understand why you don't want to offer that to working class kids now and support tuition fees.
And I actually tried to have my private medical removed from my contract here (I get taxed on it and won't use it) but its not possible.

And you still didn't answer my question about Tony and Hilary Benn? I just think it was a terrible example of political dynasties. I may be wrong, but he doesn't even have his dad's old constiuency, does he?

unless you want to brawl your way to election victory

two-jabs would be quite good for that

Late surge by Obama may put him over the top.

Yeah Zippy!

Just end this never-ending, mother fucking election already.

Not so fast, Barbara, Clinton's still in a dead heat with Fuck Off.