I found out today that I have a ticket for the Eng' V India ODI at The Oval on 05/09/07

As predicted at the end of day 1, Warne has spun the aussies to the brink of victory taking 4-29 in a spell of 27 overs.

That's how to win a test match. Play an attacking spinner.

We've got one too, but thanks to a cunt he's sat in the dressing room making drinks for everyone.

Meanwhile the contribution of the player who is "better" than Monty...
27 runs in 2 innings, 1 wicket in 42 overs and he dropped the ashes when spilling Ponting on 35.

Take a bow Duncan Fletcher, and then fuck off.

and why wasn't he given the chance to bowl? i swear first there was sven and now... for fucks sake do you have to be a fucking cunt to manage an english team?

yes.

the rugby proves that too.

Oh dear - that's shite. Sounds like Warne was the man.
This bloke Domnic Lawson takes exception with the Barmy Army. That's a bit stuck up isn't it?
The bloke playing the trumpet might get on your nerves after a few hours though.

To be honest Damon they can be a bit irritating at times.
During the Pakistan test I had one of them (Dressed as an 'Umpa Lumpa') continually standing directly in front of me, facing away from the play, leading various chants. When asked to take his seat by an official (on three separate occasions) he became verbally abusive and was escorted off by the Police. For the next ten minutes, while the Policewoman spoke to him, his friends turned their full attention to her with about twenty of them chanting offensive things about her. He was eventualy allowed to return to his seat - which he didn't, but instead again ran along the front row facing the crowd 'dancing' and mocking the Policewoman.
One of his friends then attempted to throw a dustbin onto the pitch and they all walked out, still chanting at the Policewoman.

I'm not sure how this increases anyones enjoyment of the game

With the greatest respect, I think that both aqua and dominic lawson are mistaking people who have attached themselves to the barmy army without really understanding its ethos rather than what i would call the genuine barmy army.

the difference is basically that the "genuine" barmy army were there when england were shit, and will continue to be so when we turn shit again, whilst the people that the good aqua of this parish and lawson describe are those who have latched onto the game in the Vaughan era and will most likely drop it again should we lose a couple of series.

to my knowledge no barmy army regular ever went to cricket in fancy dress. that's become an awful laddish phenomena, when it really only started so that people didn't get caught taking unbooked time off of work.

anyway, now that the ashes have been fucked away without so much as a fight. i would like to see mahmood in for anderson, monty for giles and joyce for cook. Cook hasn't done too much wrong, he's one of the few who keeps getting good deliveries rather than finding new ways to get out whilst looking a prize tosser. But now we've dragged Joyce this far we may as well see what he can do.

None of this will happen of course, Fletcher will cautiously pick the same side and we will get trounced at Perth. Christ it shows how much of the attacking impetus was provided by Vaughan who must have been driven as apoplectic as i was this morning.

I still haven't calmed down and I can't remember the last time I was so upset at a sporting result and the manner of the performance. I think it may have been some time in the twentieth century.



By all accounts Steve Mclaren mentioned it on his cv personal profile.

I have no idea what this "rugby" that nevski speaks of is.

blokes with odd shaped balls. moster. and ears. not just blokes with ears, but odd shaped ears.

Mo, I appreciate the above, but the current mob who call themselves the 'Barmy Army' are the ones throwing pint pots of piss about.

thankfully there was none of that at old trafford, we were sat about 15 seats away from the jimmy saville look-a-like ringleader. the only things thrown were beer trays (which made rather excellent frisbees if i recall correctly), and that was only to liven up the rain interval.



that sounds stupid, just stupid.

I saw the Barmy Army last time we were in Aus. They are OK provided you aren't in the middle of them. The first day at Melbourne we were (my cock up) & it was horrible as they kept standing up. Once we made sure they were all behind us by getting there early & sitting on the front row it was fine

As for England FLETCHER MUST GO. You can't blaim Giles it's the dick head who picks him. A few weeks ago I was chatting to a league umpire in the pub. The bloke said 'they can't play Giles instead of Panesar'. I said I thought that could easily happen. I wish I'd been wrong. Like the vast majoriy of cricket fans I think Panesar is a much better bowler & it's him that should be the slow bowler.

At this rate it could easily end up 5-0

Fletcher has tried to justify the selection of Giles by pointing out that the australians made runs at number 8.

Of course they did you prick, because you picked bowlers who won't even take the wickets of tail enders.

If he really wants to bat that low why not pick just Joyce and play just the 4 bowlers?

from an australian point of view , a great test match.
england batted very well in the 1st innings, collingwood and pieterson were brilliant .
the aussies followed that up with a good display themselves. Ponting is simply in outstanding , career best form.Hussey is a revelation, why we didnt play him in the last ashes and Michael Clarke might have finally cemented a spot in the team.
hoggards bowling was great . an outstanding effort . all heart. looked very good where other fast bowlers (aussies included )failed.
then disaster, england should have never have lost this test match. apparently it is the highest test score where a team has declared their innings closed and lost.
70 runs off 53 overs just dosent cut it and this is where you lost it. the english could have taken the game to the aussies but they were negative in thier approach.
at the start of play on day 5 , collingwood would have been even money to win player of the match . that all changed by scoring 22 from 119 balls in just over 3 hours . he neither farmed the strike or protected the lower order. after that innings , he was no chance for that award. i couldnt imagine a top order australian batsman playing that innings.
again a poor batting display . questions must be asked of anderson , jones and giles
the aussies couldnt believe their luck when panaser wasnt selected , as warne showed on day 5 how dangerous good spin was on that wicket. again warne was a match winner
and then 170 wasnt going to be enough , again ponting and hussey proved the difference an no english bowler stood up to the challenge , although flintoff ( who was obviously injured) was brave with the new ball, but then this must prove how out of sorts harmison is. The aussies losing 4 second innings wicket wasnt because of english ingenuity but to the fact that the aussies were aggressive and looking for a win

Yesterday was a black day for world cricket .... nothing to do with the Ashes, Engalnd were just crap.
Pakistan have let their bowlers off the drug ban 'cos they weren't told not to take drugs ....... a cop out if ever I saw one. What does a Pakistan plater have to do to actaully be classed as wrong by the PCB?



In a word .... YES

Martyn retires...

for Mo ...

Today's readers' poll in my local paper asked the question: Would the selection of Monty Panesar enhance England's prospects in Perth? 57% said yes; here are two opposing views:

He may not be the greatest batsman or fielder, but Panesar has shown he can take wickets. To be honest, when taking into account Ashley Giles's performance thus far in the series, I think they could replace him with Monty Python and get better results.
Peter, Mitchelton

I think Monty Burns has more chance of bowling out Australia than Monty Panesar.
Paul, Murwillumbah

edit to add pesky tag.

Warne says today ''if you're not concentrating well, then pick a fight.'' He's a lad isn't he?
Those Aussies are very mouthy when they're fielding. Is it their wicketkeeper who's always going: ''bowled Shane'' and ''nice one Shane'' ?

So........it would appear that Geraint Jones is one of the 'Senior' players consulted about team selection

Article HERE

Ah, I assumed it was Ricky Ponting.




burns, python.... oh stop it, the convicts are too funny.

Punny perhaps, but up 2-0.

i dont think damien martyn is a big loss , but i think there are far better batsmen in australia than replacements adam voges or andrew symonds

Monty becomes the first English spinner to take 5 wickets in an innings at Perth.

Warne hasn't taken 5 in a test match innings at perth.

Fuck me if Fletcher had an ounce of balls and played Monty from the start this series would be well and truly in the balance.

244 all out. the key now is for England to attack mcgrath tonight.

he's an old man, whilst lee goes for about 40 a wicket against england. positive tactics are required.

What Moster said. Perhaps the intention was to get Monty all fired up, knowing that he'd come in like this.

No, I'm joking. Shit selection policy from the start.

He certainly couldn't have boweld any worse than Giles.

as i said before, we aussies cant believe that monty didnt play last test. He bowled very well and was rewarded with his 5 for.
Giles must be sitting back and thinking that his test career is OVER.

It's all over there's no hope left.

Debatable whether or not Strauss hit the ball, which is a shame because he was well set.

Flintoff is so out of touch that the tail effectively starts at 6.

Chris Read must be wondering what sort of evidence against Fletcher that Geraint Jones possesses, because even Stevie Wonder can see that he isn't actually a better batsman. What a fucking stupid shot to get out to. Again.

What the fuck is Andrew Symonds doing taking test match wickets? uncuntingbelievable.

Not only does he bowl, he bats too! Number 10 and 11 with the 3rd and 4th highest scores in an innings ... and they aren't finished yet.

Are you reading his online diary?

ETA: Oops, I spoke too soon. Montster carries his bat.

Strange to think that this thread hasn't been used all day ...



I'm truly embarrassed for any pommie fan about Monty's non-selection in the first two games. What price he could score the century that saves the game for England tomorrow?

Once again 'put to the sword' by an Aussie team that are going from strength to strength
Brilliant ton by Gilchrist !


But...........don't worry..........Fletcher hasn't lost hope

Ashley returns home to be with wife

Sorry to disappoint geoff, but after my works christmas party i was too busy talking to the toilet than here.

Gilchrist was awesome. it's a bit bizarre to get up at the luch interval and then see over 300 runs scored.

england to be dismissed for 150-175 tomorrow.

Sadly, Moster, I can see that happening too. Gilchrist proved himself again today but Clarke was pretty good too. England's batters need to get their heads down and remember that Australia's job is to get them out. They have bags of time. I think they ought to enjoy frustrating Aussies for once.


P.S. I don't think they will.

with Monty outscoring most of the top order.

The name's Jones..............Geraint Jones......O O(batsman number) 8

Licensed to kill ... the hopes of England's supporters?

I have said that I'm not the biggest cricket fan (of the english county game anyway), but I've listened to a lot of Geoff Boycott and Jonathan Agnew on this, and they say England weren't prepared properly.
They played in India before the Ashes, and went home to the UK for five days before flying on to Australia.
The official reason was, so they could spend time with their families.
Aggers and Boycott said that was a big mistake.
Harmisons' first ball in Brisbane was due to a lack of practice and acclimatization, they said.
It seems that Australia just wanted it more than England.
I'm not that impressed with Flintoffs' post match comments. Maybe Strauss should be captain.

What will Australia be like without Shane Warne?

Graham 'Beaky' Beekroft said on Talk Sport this morning: ''Pity Warne didn't retire three tests ago.''

what a wag.

talk sport are cunts. FACT.

shane warne might be one despicable bastard off the pitch, but he's also the greatest bowler I've ever seen or am likely to see. when he started playing test cricket the only place where spinners could take wickets was asia.

the art of spin bowling was dying out and spin bowlers were only used so that the quicks could have a rest when the ball had gone soft, or you were playing against england. in fact i'd go as far as to say that he saved test match cricket as we know it, the game was stale and was just a battery of conformism - pace bowlers and trundling seamers.

even when he's playing against you, there's nothing like watching a long spell of bowling by shane warne. the tension rises as soon as the ball is chucked to him, you just know that something is going to happen. he can start to bamboozle even the most well set batsman. occasionally he'll have someone take him on, but the only player who has been able to do it successfully over any period of time is tendulkar. as far as everyone else is concerned it's only a matter of time.

after his first four returns in test cricket his figures were 1/335. if he was english he'd probably never have been picked again such was the mess we were in at the time. i also think this is quite pertinent given some of the criticism (some from myself) of the england side this winter.

it's been an absolute privilege to see his career, and thanks to sky i've seen a lot more than i would have in previous eras as non-ashes australian series have been available to watch in england.

in the same way that my grandad struggled to explain to me just how brilliant don bradman was, so i will struggle to eulogise enough about warne to future generations.

they will be envious that i saw him play.

What he said.
Nice post Mo.

I'm just pleased he'll be staying on down in the shire for another season or two - perhaps I'll make it down to the Rose Bowl next season...

Yep, dad was at the game yesterday and will always be able to say he saw Warnie take his 700th.

your lucky dad!
would have been amazing to be there. great atmosphere!

great post mo

there's a doco bit on the telly right now about your mate monty.

the night before last i dreamed i was giving coaching advice to hayden and gilly. must've been a big help for hayden, as he got a ton yesterday

I thought I read a post from Moster being incredulous about Roy getting picked for the Aussies. I was going to mention that his one innings was only 3 runs short of England's entire first innings, and 5 short of their second.

I will anyway, even though I can't find the aalleged post I'm replying to.

I think you mean this one. Nothing about his batting, he played for Glos in the early 90's and sent many a 6 flying towards the prison.

Having said that, he shouldn't really be scoring a test match century.

You are indeed correct.

I'm doubly glad that (a) you had mentioned him (so I wasn't imagining it) and (b) you hadn't criticised his batting.

Until now. Cunt.

From the BBC sport website...




Wait a moment............I have a cunning plan !



If we contrive to lose on the first day of every Test for the next few hundred years they'll eventually not be able to actually afford a cricket team !