Friends, in this election year it is time to focus on the issues that really matter. We've been let down by the government time and time again as they have fed us lie after lie about Iraq, increased private-sector intervention and introduced draconian legislation which has limited civil liberties. Enough is enough.

The Commando Party provides a real alternative to the careerist, talking-heads politics fed to us by Tony's Cronies. A grass-roots ideology based on the notion that true freedom can only be achieved through abandoning the foundation garments of old. That every man and woman in this country can and should swing their nads or shake their bushes with pride, enjoying the satisfaction that only a cool breeze tickling the pubes can bring. Because personal freedom and liberation is the first step to global revolution.

The Cheese Party is dead. Long live the Commando Party.

I await your resounding support.

So do we post them to you...

I'm not suggesting that I want your used pants. Just that you should stop wearing them. I do not need proof that you've done so. I believe in the integrity of the electorate.

According to the best dressed male on this forum we´ll need a short skirt too. I don´t have one nor do I want one but I guess a short shirt will do...

(scuttles away to the Jill Sobule site to order one of those xxxxs sized `my bush will make a better president´shirts....)

This party is an afront to the poor and defenseless genetalia out there. This party will take away the only thing that protects these poor and vunerable body parts against the abbrasive nature of the outside world.
It's all part of that party its strategy to cut back on spending money for the things that need our support the most

Say no to the commando party! Join us in our struggle to protect the innocent and keep them warm. Join the Big Pants Party!

i believe in a middle way.
commando by night,
kecks by day.

Burn your bras´!!!! (haven´t I heard that before, sometime ago???)

Nevski, that is truly inspired. Would you consider a position as official party-political songwriter for the Commando Party?

The Big Pants Party wants to stifle you under Victorian-style repression. Freedom is not to be feared. It is to be embraced!

Their policies are merely designed to keep the underwear industry puppetmasters rolling in your hard-earned cash.

Tell the knicker apperatchiks where to stuff their pants. Vote Commando!

Hurrah, Meg! Your party card and demand for your first year's membership fees are on their way.

Welcome to the free world, and enjoy the breeze!

Following the essentially democratic character of The Commando Party's ideology would it be possible to meet the requirements half-way? A jockstrap or a thong, for example?

I believe this would also garner more support for the cause...

We at the Commando Party realise that revolution cannot happen overnight. If members choose a slower, more conservative route into our policies, we still embrace them and respect their efforts.

However, it should be remembered that jock straps and thongs are NOT an end in themselves - they are merely a stop on the road to Commandoism.

Hmmhmmhmmmmmmm.....
I don´t know. I mean - thongs! People will talk....

Just until we've built up the requisite support for the forward march to Commandoism!

Exactly! Fred, I see a senior party role for you...

The Commando Party is full of waffle and radical posturing. Freedom can not be gained from just dumping your undergarments. Like all reformers you are already compromising and pandering to the 'thong and G-String' centre ground of middle (I need by belly warm) England.

True liberation can only come when we dispense with all our clothing.

For a real alternative hang down, swing free and oscillate merrily with the Get Naked Party.

You have nothing to loose but your clothes.

Splitter!

It probably won't surprise you to know I've been called that before.

(All good Trots know - one is a sect, two is a party. three is a split.)

That's one interpretation of splitter...

Extremism is never pretty, Dickie. Especially when it's that wrinkled and hairy. Put your clothes on and come back into the party fold.

That's an attractive looking fold from where I sit.

I´d like to make clear that I have issued caveats (taken from the dict. ) against thongs.

Thongs are acceptable as a means to an end, Meg. We must be tolerant of the more conservative element amongst us as the party's profile emerges and develops.

Once we've got them on board, we'll gradually divest them of their thongs. It's clearly the only sane way forward.

Could they not wear thongs as footwear as an interim measure to allow a degree of mental comfort at not losing their thong while retaining the same level of physical discomfort that I understand arises from both types of thong?

Jackeau, I see you, too, as a potential leading light of the party. The way you've commingled two utterly different concepts of "the thong" will allow party members to retain their sense of security and familiarity whilst they are being subtly manipulated ever closer to the party's objectives. Brilliant!

I see you in a high-profile communications role...

if your revolution ever takes to the streets, a thong could make a good catapult to fire missiles at the riot police.

forget your g string, forget your thong.
go commando
and smoke a bong

Again, an astute observation. Little Al, I appoint you Defense Advisor.

Nevski, the drugs references in your Official Party Slogan could cost us the essential Middle England vote. Please be more circumspect in future. All lyrics must be approved by Minister Jackeau in the Communications Office before they are unleashed on the public.

Down with war
down with tanks
Down with Bliar
down with pants.

Now that we´re established we should think about some merchandising to call a bit more attention to our concern (and get some money in for radical actions). What about tshirts (very short ones, of course)? Maybe we can even find a sponsor or two...

take down the union pants.
there is power in commando
grundies for the great leap forwards.
we don't need these cammy knickers, ron.

The Party Leader should be known as "Nicholas"...

I saw the headline Knickers to that in this morning's paper, but was dissapointed to see we don't yet have The Guardian's support.

However, I can see why we won't get much support from M&S.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Nicholas

Nicholas who?

Nicholas girls shouldn't climb trees




I think we need to turn your last comment to our advantage, Joe. Something along the lines of 'Feel you have never had proper support from M&S? Join the folk that offer no support'. Needs work obviously. Perhaps something pithy spun from the famous 'Labour isn't working' line.

Grundies, Nev?

I feel merchandising is an excellent idea, perhaps incorporating some of the slogans and song titles suggested by the party political songwriter. Meg, your business acumen has won you the coveted position of Trade and Industry Advisor.

Joe, I share your frustration that the Guardian continues to focus on high-street triviality while there is a revoluton brewing up under their very noses. So much for the so-called "serious" papers.

Surely a tad lower than that, Joanie?

Ummm...depends what they're doing at the time?

Oh! Thank you!

Great idea for merchandising: Crutchless underwear to highlight the tyranny of imprisoning one's nether regions. Also pants remodelled to be worn as head gear, perhaps with some slogans painted on?

The creativity we hold within the party is truly mind-boggling. Fred, have you got a job yet? Would you like to be Minister for the Department of Trade (Meg would be your advisor), or would this entail a cabinet re-shuffle?

Alternatively, you could be Minister Without Briefs and advise several departments at once. Any preference?

That´s music to my ears. I already hear the cashbells ringinging

I see no shame in putting my name
To commandoisms cause
And seeking some more freedom
For arses, dicks and balls
Not just in the name of confidence
But in the name of liberty
Divest yourself of undergarments
In the name of hanging free

We swing in freedom
And we speak of ventilation
It'll also increase your sperm count
And thus the next generation
So don't be shy to wave goodbye
to restrictive clothing legislation
You are judged by your actions
And not by your reputation

i resign.

That's brilliant NB. Well done.

I think JC may have acted too quickly in handing me the overside communications briefs, with your publishing experience you really are a shoe in, but of course they are too stretched to fit you now.

Ah, your job's safe, Nevski. With my interiors experience I'm gunning for Cabinet Minister in charge of Cabinets

hmm

FROM A VAUXHALL VELOX

She said "Do these pant's fold down ?"
And I said "If you pull that handle"
All the time she'd been waiting for
Something with a little more
And all her mates on the new estates
Were walking out with the breeze round their privates

Her mother washed her pants
And her Dad was a policeman
Which I must say worried me
But some things have just got to be
So we passed very fast like ships in the night
Or knickers on a fast spin cycle
Some people say underwear is great
And I think that's just a bit short-sighted
Some people just wear them now
It doesn't matter where or how
Satisfaction takes a second place
So long as they can keep their nuts warm

There was a nudists' rights march in Edinburgh about a year ago, where the marchers were apparently outnumbered about 100 to 1 by spectators. Legend has it that the marchers felt so self-conscious that they put their clothes back on.

I suspect that will ultimately happen here as well.

I lost my underpants last night
now I've air around my satellite
it's wrong to be in underwear
at least the commando-istes care


I don't want to change your shirt
I'm not looking for more layers
just discarded underwears

Harsh words, Moster. Fact is, you can swing your nuts without shame in cyberspace.

The songs are class - I feel a Commando Party version of WTTAH might be in the works...

Now that would make good merchandise!